Before I let you go, is it okay to ask one last time?
did you ever love me or was your love only a lie?
how could you easily forget? why can't you remember?
all the days and nights we shared, do they even matter?
I tried to forget you and yet each time I tried, I failed
I wondered how you do it, how could you easily forget
I am thousands of miles away and yet our memories haunt me
Can you tell me your secret so I too, could forget?
Before I tell you goodbye, is it alright to ask?
what part of me did you really love?
it was always so easy for you to let me go
you always accomplished to make me feel so low.
Is it alright to ask for your forgiveness?
I'm sorry for choosing to let you go instead of holding on
I'm sorry for your pain when I chose to break your heart
I couldn't blame you if your love for me were all gone.
Before I walk away completely, I need an honest answer
what comes to your mind when you think of me?
Are your memories of us as fond as I could remember
Or were they too disgusting for you to even bother?
I was the one who left, I was the one who hurt you
yet why do I feel like I was the one who lost my way?
I was the one who took so many steps away from you
so why do I feel like I couldn't really find the right way?
Before I say goodbye, I wanted to thank you
for all the memories albeit some of them make me cry
I can't take away the sadness from all our happy years
for only in times of sorrow we can be grateful for the happy days.
I will still write for you in the wee hours of the morning
Or when the clouds shroud the moonlight on an evening so cold
In those moments of nothingness, I will let my heart form a dream
Only when the world is quiet will thoughts of you unfold.
Before I give you my heart, I would like to know
Can you still love me even if I become bent and slow?
Will you still love me when I'm all wrinkled and gray?
Or listen to me even when I talk nonsense all day?
Before I say 'yes' to you, will you please tell me 'no'?
If I become too stubborn and carelessly lets you go?
Will you run after me should I try to walk away?
Or will you simply give up and ignore me all day?
Before I give you my heart, are you strong enough to give?
When I would demand respect and loyalty as long as you live
When I ask for your whereabouts, will you honestly tell me?
If I become impossible and mean, will you still love me?
Before I chose to love you, can you make a choice right now?
To love God and me alone, can you keep it as your sacred vow?
I need to know just how much of me you can really love
Before I give you my heart...before I fall in love.
***
3.28.15
3:51 PM
How is it possible to feel so alive
when I knew my heart had already died?
Does it have something to do with your smile?
Or the way you always seem to read my mind?
I never wanted to listen to your stories
Yet I keep hearing your voice in my head
I never bothered to ask about your day
Yet you bragged about thinking of me.
How is it possible to feel my heart racing
When I never even ran a mile?
You bring me flowers and I well up in tears
So you planted them instead to cast forth my fears.
But I wasn't afraid of the flowers dying
Or that the season will eventually change.
I was more afraid that your feelings will fade
It usually happens no matter how hard I prayed.
How is it possible to be so hopeful
When I had given up hope once before?
Love came knocking since I can't remember when
This might be the right time for us to begin again.
It’s been so long since the day you said you love me
And I've been searching for words to let you know
I am not yet ready for that complicated thing called love.
I know that I have hurt you many times before
I know how much you suffered, how your heart had bled
When I chose to neglect your feelings and the words you said.
You know that I believe in you, I always do
And when I heard about this new girl that you liked, I cried.
No matter how hard I try, my heart just wouldn't deny.
I know now there is nothing more to hide or hold back
When I finally gave up fighting the whispers of my heart
I know I would always be safe in your arms.
Will you still have me? Do I still exist somewhere in your heart?
The memory of me may be vague by now and fading slowly
But maybe your heart will recognize that it had once beat for me.
You bore witness to the laments of all broken hearts
You knew of the smiles behind the letters I write
When I exposed my soul for all the world to see
Hoping somehow, those words would lead him to me.
You knew of the truth I was afraid to disclose
And the many times I sighed, uncertain of my choice.
The smiles and tears hidden behind the screen
The hesitation, the waiting, and the chase in between.
Never in my imagination you would leave without a trace
Those years held endless memories and timeless tales.
You took with you the secrets of all the broken hearts
Forever lost, forever broken like all the other parts.
And though I bid you goodbye, you will forever remain
In my memory, in my heart and in my soul you will stay.
You may be lost but will always be a part of me
Never forgotten, like the love I treasure for eternity.
The familiar tinge of that old love song
A never ending remembrance of a sweet embrace
Etched forever like an eternal dream
Unreachable, unfathomable
As the song that remained after the rain.
Silence stretched forever, unyielding
A kind of noiselessness that pierced my mind
Until I finally found solitude
When a ray of light shone upon the darkness
Cast forth despair etched long ago in my dreams.
The old song played on and on, taunting
Familiar verses flooding my mind
Reliving a forgotten memory
A promise I once held and kept sacred
So this heart could live and breathe again.
I've been trying to keep these tears contained
No need to trouble you with words better left unsaid
This curse that I bear will be mine and mine to own
For though I smile, deep inside I still feel so alone.
You still have the same effect on me as the first time
My hands tremble, my heartbeat paced with every rhyme.
My breath quicken and my mind swirled with questions
When you talk to me, I can never contain all these emotions.
Of all the stories in the world, I believe ours was the best
It's my all-time favorite, more beautiful than the rest.
And though our music ended with a broken note on the line
Your name is still the one I love to write next to mine.
