Way Back Home

I heard you've moved on
I heard you've found someone new
Someone who will hold your hand
Someone kind enough not to break your heart
The way I did once before.

I lost count of the days and hours
When I could only breathe and sigh your name
You asked me to come home yet I couldn't
I can't just walk away from everything
You loved me once but maybe your love just isn't strong enough.

Now we're back to being strangers
Two old souls trapped in the game of chances and changes
We were lovers who lost our way unexpectedly
Like falling stars on two separate journeys
We couldn't go back to what we once were.

I guess it's not about loving someone too much that matters
But finding someone strong enough to wait
No matter how long it takes for my heart to find its way
Back to where it really belongs.
Way back home.

- nika

Gone

Gone were the days when your memory

would haunt me day and night, unrelenting

until I bleed from within.

Gone were the nights when your name

is the last thing I whisper before I fall asleep

as I wait for my dreams.

Gone were the hours when every love song 

feels like the last words we said to each other

before we said goodbye.

Gone were the times I look to the heavens

hoping the stars would lead me

right where you are. 

Gone were the days, gone were the nights

Gone were the memories I held in my heart. 

Every dream ended when you said goodbye. 

***

A/N: Feel kong mag-emote kaya pagbigyan. hahaha :P

With Love

You have grown so fast I could hardly remember

How you looked as a baby, those memories seem unclear

But seeing how lovely you've grown reminds me

Of how I was once like you and how much I've grown older.

When I was your age I often find myself dreaming

Of a place I could run to, where I can be free to fall apart

Far from prejudice, from the bondage of this painful reality

Where I can hear the quiet beatings of my tender heart.

I kept searching far and wide, yet only in my mind

Imagination took me to places no one else had ever been

My mind powerfully conceived a sense of freedom and worth

Even when the perils of this world kept me locked from within.

I was weary of thinking too much, of feeling less important

Surely there was a place for the pieces of my broken heart

Only when I dropped on my knees did I truly find my home

In the heart of Jesus, I was always welcome from the start.

No man can ever fill the longings of our hearts

Than the one who gave us life, and loved us without a doubt

He died on the cross so you and I may breathe and live

Christ paid for our freedom, our sins were all wiped out.

May all that you do bring Him glory and pleasure

God loves you deeply and knows all of your sorrows

When you give him your heart he will give you all that you desire

Never doubt our Maker, He has secured all your tomorrows.

Finally

Maybe it's just me who never really moved on

The one who kept chasing you even until this time

While you took every step away from me

As if you loathed the ground I walked upon

Without so much as a word or an answer

To the many whys and how and where

Leaving me to figure out the walls beneath your silence

Never once looking back to where I was

Or if I was still running after you

Uncaring if I stumble or fall along the way

Closing your heart and your ears to all my plea.

There I was, watching you walk away

Your form became smaller on the horizon.

Finally, I found the sense to stop the chase

And the courage to accept and to grieve

Slowly losing my resolve, I succumbed to my loss

Tasting bitter tears until every drop was spent

Leaving my heart broken, cold and empty.

Not once did I hear you say you love me

While I yearned for your affection, for a little love,

Once again, the fear of the unknown consumed me

I said goodbye to the laden wind as I let you go, finally.

A Hopeless Case

I guess I haven't changed after all when it comes to you, 
I'm still constantly afraid that you'd leave
even though you've been out of my life for some time
I guess nothing has changed, I'm still the same pathetic waste
who was constantly afraid and annoyingly insecure.

Terrified that you'd change your mind, that you'd push me away
or fool around just because I bruised your feelings first.
I guess I'm still the same girl with the hopeless case
of being foolishly in love with you.

The same girl who writes to you because she couldn't stop
even though you never bothered to pour feelings into words.
I'm still the same person who lives and breathes your name
the same girl who was constantly afraid of being hurt again.
I'm still the same old me who never really deserved to be loved.

When You Say You Love Me

You said you love me still and my tears fell unbridled
I don't know if it meant I was forgiven when I broke your heart
Or if those words were meant to console me, knowing I bled too much
but you said you love me and nothing else mattered to me than that.

If my heart could grow wings I'll let it fly to wherever you are
so it would hold you tight until you fell asleep peacefully tonight
I wonder if we ever get the chance to meet again someday
Will you pull me into your arms or will you just walk away?

I have bottled too many emotions inside me since I left
Feelings that were all meant for you yet I was constantly afraid
that you will simply forget and move on as if we had never met
I had to read your words so many times before I was convinced.

Whether or not your words are true, I still want to thank you
For remembering...for not choosing to forget what we had
Thank you for loving me even when I don't deserve it
For sticking around when you should have pushed me away instead.

I missed you more than you'll ever know, more than words can say
A part of me will always belong to you and to the years we shared
I can't ask you to wait for me, I know it would be too much
all I ask is for you to tell me honestly when you want to set me free.

Before Goodbye

Before I let you go, is it okay to ask one last time?
did you ever love me or was your love only a lie?
how could you easily forget? why can't you remember?
all the days and nights we shared, do they even matter?

I tried to forget you and yet each time I tried, I failed
I wondered how you do it, how could you easily forget
I am thousands of miles away and yet our memories haunt me
Can you tell me your secret so I too, could forget?

Before I tell you goodbye, is it alright to ask?
what part of me did you really love?
it was always so easy for you to let me go
you always accomplished to make me feel so low.

Is it alright to ask for your forgiveness?
I'm sorry for choosing to let you go instead of holding on
I'm sorry for your pain when I chose to break your heart
I couldn't blame you if your love for me were all gone.

Before I walk away completely, I need an honest answer
what comes to your mind when you think of me?
Are your memories of us as fond as I could remember
Or were they too disgusting for you to even bother?

I was the one who left, I was the one who hurt you
yet why do I feel like I was the one who lost my way?
I was the one who took so many steps away from you
so why do I feel like I couldn't really find the right way?

Before I say goodbye, I wanted to thank you
for all the memories albeit some of them make me cry
I can't take away the sadness from all our happy years
for only in times of sorrow we can be grateful for the happy days. 

I will still write for you in the wee hours of the morning
Or when the clouds shroud the moonlight on an evening so cold
In those moments of nothingness, I will let my heart form a dream
Only when the world is quiet will thoughts of you unfold.